Food

I read with interest the news that Liam Gallagher had called in at the Globe on the way to Glastonbury and ordered chips with gravy and champagne. Followed by more chips and gravy. You really know you have made it when you can order that for lunch!

Of course, I immediately really fancied the same. But I’m on a low fat, low carbs diet and had to be very strong willed and resist temptation. So I just opened a bottle of champagne.

Mind you, within five miles of Bath you can’t call it gravy. I was once roundly scolded in a local gastro emporium for praising their gravy. Apparently it’s a reduction.

I hate cooking. For a start, there’s always some essential ingredient in the recipe that one doesn’t regularly have in one’s larder. Like quinoa. Or kaffir lime leaves. Or in my case, flour.

I’m a very lazy cook too. I have been known to have started making a cucumber sandwich and feeling too lazy to slice the cucumber, just eaten the bread and butter instead.

However, I am by no means a lazy eater. I can stomach most things and have enthusiastically downed raw horse in Japan, fish eyes in the Caribbean and chicken head soup (with beaks) in China so as not to offend my smiling hosts. I have eaten snake stew in the southern states of America and can safely say that crocodile does not taste like chicken. It tastes like crocodile.

In fact one of the only meals I have refused to eat was served by a well-known international airline. When I pointed out that there was a not inconsiderable amount of black hair wound around my chicken breast, the flight attendant smiled sweetly , said ‘Oh dear, so there is!’ and walked away. It still makes me gag to think about it!

My biggest surprise in all my culinary travels is that all Greeks tuck into Greek salad with gusto on a daily basis. Huge bowls of it. I always thought it was one of those ‘foreign’ dishes that we’d invented, like chicken tikka masala. That’s like going to Cornwall and finding everyone eating pasties!

Blimey. All this talk of food has made me feel hungry. Chips and a reduction anyone?

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